Death and Loss

This past week I lost my Beloved Emotional Support Guinea Pig Thor. It was a tough one but he didn’t cross over alone. And that reminded me I wanted to give Death the honor around me that it deserves. Since the beginning of 2020, I have lost my Grandparents, my Father, My Mamaw’s dog Mimi, my Mothers Cat Minx and Now my Thor. He was my 2nd Guinea pig to Balder who I lost years ago.

Mamaw was My Rock, she was my Teacher and my Protector. Papaw was more my Father and they raised me while my mom, a single parent, worked to provide for us. We knew it was coming, we tried to prepare. The whole family did but it simply isn’t enough. The grieving process still hits you. Now even as I say this I don’t really feel like I had a chance to grieve.

You see, let’s back up. Mamaw and Papaw were neither feeling good that weekend and Papaw requested that Mama stay with him but she couldn’t because she didn’t feel good herself. So my Uncle and his friend stayed the weekend. That night Mamaw collapsed and we went straight to her. She was transported to Ruby Memorial Hospital in Morgantown and we all went to rest. They didn’t think she would make it but she held on. We called Papaw the next evening to give him an update on Mamaw said I Love you and Papaw Passed away in his sleep. He wasn’t alone.

We got the call on the way to Morgantown, turned around, and made it to him as soon as possible. Then decided not to tell mamaw. She had started making progress. Her last words to me were Hey Gwen and Love you too. I find myself crying a little now as I recall the memories. Mamaw held on till 2 days after Papaw’s Funeral, we never told her he was gone, I figured she already knew. I was there by Mamaw’s side holding her hand as she took her final Breath. I told her it was ok that we loved her and it was ok to move on. We understood.

I went straight into work mode, I created the Music list, the Slideshow of Photos and I wrote both Eulogies . I hope I made them proud. I still talk to them both all the time.

Things went differently with my Father. He called me as he was on his way to the hospital and said he would talk to me when he got out. He never went home. Last New I could tell him was hey Dad We are Tudors. Henry the VIII cousin actually lol. I did receive a call from his cell phone after he was gone though.

What bothers me is that he passed away alone, so many did in 2020. We didn’t have a great relationship, we just didn’t click well in this lifetime. I’m sure the next one will be better. The one thing I can say is for those that I lost they definitely knew I loved them. With my Father, My Church/Coven is Named after him and our Ancestral Roots, Rowan Temple of Light.

With All the Loss that I have had to face I was a little bit more prepared when I lost Thor. Today is actually my first day back to work actually and here I am writing about Death.

I want you to know that even though our loved ones aren’t physical anymore you don’t stop thinking about them, feeling them near, or even hear their voice. It sneaks up on you, but after feeling it a few times, it kind of becomes a comfort. Now I’m not saying everyone sticks around like ghosts, while I do believe in them, These are More like Energetic Memories. Memories that connect us to them whenever we need them the most.

Why is that the best? Because their energy then becomes part of you.

So that is the Best Part of Healing, taking in the lessons and the knowledge they shared with you allowing yourself to grow in the process becoming a super version of yourself because of them. So Let us all Grow to be Better More Super Beings With their Energetic Memories.

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