With May being Mental Health Awareness month, I want to reach out. This is a subject that is very Important to me. Let me tell you why.

In 2005, I married a man that I had been seeing for a few years. He asked me to marry him 3 times and all 3 times I told him NO. He went to my Father and plans were made for our wedding in September. I didn’t have much say in how it was being planned, I honestly felt like I was being sold.

Early the following year I was admitted to the hospital psychiatric unit for depression and suicidal tendencies. I found out a lot the week in the hospital and it wouldn’t be my last in-house visit.

Among finding out I was diabetic I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 with anxiety.

Pretty Simple having a diagnosis, right? Not exactly. The list of meds that I went through combinations has been brutal on my body, as it does to everyone. But that right balance of meds makes a world of difference. Then there was Therapy which isn’t new to me I had been in Therapy since I tried to unalive myself when I was 14. It was because I felt Unloved and Unwanted. Unfortunately, I still feel like this today.

I’ve learned a lot about myself and that has led on the path of self-discovery that I am on today. Learning Astrology, Shadow Work, and helping others gain awareness and understanding for their own lives.

My Mind is always in work mode, it is always thinking, I am ruled by my Planet Mercury after all. Lol But that makes me just always planning or creating a new Project. I have so many ideas but not enough of me to go around. A hard realization was that Not all my ideas are meant for me to create. I can start them and hand them off to those interested in following on.

Virgo is a mutable sign and rules the mind and completion and boy do I love seeing things come to fruition. The Satisfaction of hard work coming together and Able to grow.

Anyways back to the matter at hand lol.

As Someone with Bipolar 2 and Anxiety, I have issues being around lots of people for long periods of time. It drains my whole body to the state I need to take long restful breaks. For Example, my schedule starts in Febuary and runs through September at the end of Central Wv Pagan Pride. That time is full of my show Divination Night. Fundraising,. A new event, Hallowspring, that was created with friends. And Planning for Central WV Pagan Pride. I then take the time off from my in-person schedule and solely rely on my online bookings.

I am either in Extreme Hypermania or Devastating Depression.

During my Hypermania I am everywhere doing everything having gatherings online and in person pushing myself to my limits.

During the Depression I struggle to be aware of my thoughts, yes, those thoughts and those tendencies.

I am not seeking attention but Awareness.

By telling those closest to you how you are feeling and what your mind is telling you can save your life if you have the right people and support team.

During the Depression is when I’m secluded and sick.

Sick? Yep, you heard that right. The Depression affects your body: Headache, stomachache, issues going to the bathroom, infections, and go into full low-vibration mode. You start feeling Paranoid, like everyone hates you and nobody cares if you exist or not.

As A Psychic & Witch, awareness and understanding of how we are feeling and respecting our limitations and boundaries is very important. Only being active when we are aware and can separate ourselves from the reading that is coming through. Yes, we see those patterns, we wouldn’t be very good at helping others if we weren’t doing the work on ourselves.

The progress that we have made and continue to make are just examples of our desire for Healing, Learning, Awareness and Advocacy. Because we Not only fight for ourselves, but we are also fighting for you as well.

We want you to make better choices, we want to see you improve your life, and we want to know that you’re not hurting anymore–any real psychic or reader will give it to you straight and not lie to you. We are not therapists, we are people who care and want to see you live a better life. When 1 Rise, We All Rise.

So, just pulling all that together.

Please don’t have stigma when choosing a Psychic that openly talks about the struggles they have been through. They have experience that might help you.

Ok off my soapbox for now.

I love and miss you all!

You will be hearing more about what is coming soon. –Lady Gwendolyn

We all make mistakes in life. We make poor decisions and hurt those we love and some we don’t. How do we know when the time is right to make the first steps toward healing? Let me tell you, my story.

It’s not easy for me to apologize but I used to say I’m sorry for everything. Confused? Lol, I don’t blame you. Well, you see I used to always feel worthless and that everything was my fault. That I would never be loved or find someone that loved me. Yes, I was told these things and I took them as truths. It wasn’t until the last few years that I realized that the time to let the past go was now and I needed to heal. I needed to start with the one person who hurt me all my life. My Father. I’m not the only person in the world with Daddy Issues.

My father was very strong, well known, influential, and did so much for the safety and progression of his community. I guess that’s where I get my drive from. I always wanted to make him proud so that he would give me attention. I always felt like I disappointed him. Honestly, I don’t know if he was proud of me or not. I like to think he is, and I believe I’ll keep thinking that. 

In January 2020, I was out to lunch with my Papaw, and in walked my father with 2 other gentlemen. We all sat together for lunch and when I went to pay my father had already paid. That was his love language. Like so many others of his generation.  I had a horrible feeling that this visit would be the last good one.  A short time later I went to visit him, and I asked if we could put the past behind us and he said he would love that. After that, we talked at least every 2 weeks, which was more than I believe we had my whole life. 

Even though we only saw each other a few times, due to Covid-19, 2020 was the best year we had communication-wise. At the end of January 2020, my Papaw and Mamaw passed away and he was able to come and show support, though he couldn’t stay long. His health was deeply declining, and he took great precautions and didn’t let covid take him out. He passed away on December 1, 2020.

The dirty truth is that my father and mother were high school sweethearts that got married, fought about stupid stuff that young married people do, and divorced. My father was remarried by the time my brother and I arrived a month apart. I then became a dirty little secret. Of course, the family knew, but as far as the public, it wasn’t known. 

I was celebrated by my mothers’ side of the family and only accepted by my fathers’ side for roughly a year, total.

When I met my grandmother again as an adult, I forgave her for treating me poorly as a baby. She wouldn’t hold me. She denied I existed. Through forgiveness, I was able to learn about her mother who was full Native American, and oh the stories.

Even at my father’s service, his siblings ignored me and his community members had no idea who I was.

What was I to expect? I was treated the same by my own siblings. 

Backing up a little bit, I really forgave him in 2017 when I named my Pagan Church/Coven after him. While I should have, traditionally speaking, had the last name Rowan, I wasn’t given that. (Remember, I was a secret.) So I decided to claim it for a positive.

My father and I went years without speaking, but I am forever grateful that we were able to have the time we did. You may never be ready to move forward, but when opportunities present themselves, you have to feel the discomfort and force your way through it, and take the chance. Otherwise, you risk regretting not taking the chance later.

Say what you need to say, get off your chest what you need to get off your chest, if for no other reason than to free yourself from regret. You deserve Peace and Happiness, make amends for your own comfort.

I wouldn’t be following my own advice and would not be True to You my People, my Clients, and my Friends if I didn’t talk about what’s going on in my own life. I took a Mental Break with No Let’s Talk About Blog or Shadow Talk because I was dealing with my own inner turmoil.

How Can Someone with a Mental Illness possibly help me through my issues you ask?

Because I don’t allow it to Keep me down, and our Motto around here is Never Give Up. We work as we heal, and we heal as we work. Waiting until we are healed to begin to work, or waiting until we are done working to heal would leave us waiting forever. My Mamaw instilled that in me and I’ve passed it on to my little.

A bit About me, I am 41 and diagnosed with Bipolar Anxiety depression, and PTSD. I also struggle with Suicidal thoughts and Into the Void while Driving. I am on Meds and Attend Weekly Therapy.  So After watching me go downhill for 2 weeks, my therapist called my doctor’s office and I got seen the next day.

So here I am back to work. What happened? Well, for those that are not aware, besides all you see here, I am A High Priestess and I Host an Event called Central WV Pagan Pride. It’s a rather large Event that I and several others work very hard on. I had Been working on Creating the Program for the Event and Was Hyper Focused and Dedicated to getting it done. I was waiting on Feedback from everyone as well as putting it together how I wanted it to be sent off to the editor. And once I did I felt 1000% better. 

A Tragedy was averted and that very morning I sent over what parts I had done to be edited and completed. So I was feeling good and relieved. 

My Doctor’s orders, “Start sooner so you don’t get stressed.” Lol, I love his optimism but unfortunately, it’s never that simple is it.  We literally create stress on ourselves, don’t we? If something is coming up and we are not necessarily looking forward to it don’t we create obstacles and blocks in our path. That is manifestation. In our minds it becomes physical. You are more Powerful than you think. Our mind is More Powerful than you give it credit for. 

Our Minds are Both a Blessing and a Curse. It Will be our Biggest Protector and our Biggest Creator. It’s always easier to say take time for yourself. But when you are in that state of mind you can feel that the world will be destroyed if you don’t get the project completed, Sounds Silly doesn’t it? Ever have a project due in school and feel the stress of getting it completed on time. That’s it.  Some Get Hyper Focused and That’s what I did. It’s a Toxic trait of being so much of a Virgo. Lol Cause Ya know too much of one thing is bad for you. I recognize it. Remember Seeing the Traits is the first Part of Changing yourself and Creating the Life you want. 

Give Yourself Time Like My Doctor ordered and Take Breaks Reach out some will step up and Help You. Talk to your friends and agree who will step in to Do What in times of Stress, Create a Plan. They are your Support Team for a Reason. Who is going to the grocery store? Who is Cleaning and who is Cooking. These are great tools to think about. 

What about you have any ideas? Comment Below.

This past week I lost my Beloved Emotional Support Guinea Pig Thor. It was a tough one but he didn’t cross over alone. And that reminded me I wanted to give Death the honor around me that it deserves. Since the beginning of 2020, I have lost my Grandparents, my Father, My Mamaw’s dog Mimi, my Mothers Cat Minx and Now my Thor. He was my 2nd Guinea pig to Balder who I lost years ago.

Mamaw was My Rock, she was my Teacher and my Protector. Papaw was more my Father and they raised me while my mom, a single parent, worked to provide for us. We knew it was coming, we tried to prepare. The whole family did but it simply isn’t enough. The grieving process still hits you. Now even as I say this I don’t really feel like I had a chance to grieve.

You see, let’s back up. Mamaw and Papaw were neither feeling good that weekend and Papaw requested that Mama stay with him but she couldn’t because she didn’t feel good herself. So my Uncle and his friend stayed the weekend. That night Mamaw collapsed and we went straight to her. She was transported to Ruby Memorial Hospital in Morgantown and we all went to rest. They didn’t think she would make it but she held on. We called Papaw the next evening to give him an update on Mamaw said I Love you and Papaw Passed away in his sleep. He wasn’t alone.

We got the call on the way to Morgantown, turned around, and made it to him as soon as possible. Then decided not to tell mamaw. She had started making progress. Her last words to me were Hey Gwen and Love you too. I find myself crying a little now as I recall the memories. Mamaw held on till 2 days after Papaw’s Funeral, we never told her he was gone, I figured she already knew. I was there by Mamaw’s side holding her hand as she took her final Breath. I told her it was ok that we loved her and it was ok to move on. We understood.

I went straight into work mode, I created the Music list, the Slideshow of Photos and I wrote both Eulogies . I hope I made them proud. I still talk to them both all the time.

Things went differently with my Father. He called me as he was on his way to the hospital and said he would talk to me when he got out. He never went home. Last New I could tell him was hey Dad We are Tudors. Henry the VIII cousin actually lol. I did receive a call from his cell phone after he was gone though.

What bothers me is that he passed away alone, so many did in 2020. We didn’t have a great relationship, we just didn’t click well in this lifetime. I’m sure the next one will be better. The one thing I can say is for those that I lost they definitely knew I loved them. With my Father, My Church/Coven is Named after him and our Ancestral Roots, Rowan Temple of Light.

With All the Loss that I have had to face I was a little bit more prepared when I lost Thor. Today is actually my first day back to work actually and here I am writing about Death.

I want you to know that even though our loved ones aren’t physical anymore you don’t stop thinking about them, feeling them near, or even hear their voice. It sneaks up on you, but after feeling it a few times, it kind of becomes a comfort. Now I’m not saying everyone sticks around like ghosts, while I do believe in them, These are More like Energetic Memories. Memories that connect us to them whenever we need them the most.

Why is that the best? Because their energy then becomes part of you.

So that is the Best Part of Healing, taking in the lessons and the knowledge they shared with you allowing yourself to grow in the process becoming a super version of yourself because of them. So Let us all Grow to be Better More Super Beings With their Energetic Memories.

If you have never been through a Spiritual Awakening then what are you doing with your life? Why are you closed off to growth? What is holding you back?

Yeah I know it’s not for everyone. Growth is scary, hard, messy, emotional and you may feel like your going crazy. See not for everyone. However, I would venture to say that everyone reading this is open and ready for change. 

While there is no right way or 12 step program for Spiritual Awakenings the first thing to know is Remember to Breath. The second thing is to remember you will be ok and Help is available. 

I myself am going through a different kind of spiritual awakening at the moment. A psychic awakening.  Thoughts and feelings, the senses are going out of control. One minute I just know things, the next I am tasting things I haven’t eaten or cigarettes I hadn’t smoked and I have been smoke-free for 7 years. From experience, I know that this is short-lived and as long as I embrace the energy from this, the sooner I will be on the next level. 

When you open yourself up to learning and understanding the world around you, you mostly feel a bit out of control. New thoughts, ideas, and emotions will start flooding in. Didn’t I say it was scary? Journaling has been the go-to for this, but I’m not much of a Journaler. That’s why we have voice-to-text options. Reading back over your thoughts and feelings will help you put things into perspective, and sort through them a lot easier. 

Meditation is also another outlet for you to gain control. By connecting to the source energy through meditation you are allowing the spiritual knowledge to categorize and get in line. Meditation isn’t always sitting crossed-legged and vocalizing the Ohm. it’s about finding a place for your mind to find relaxation. That can be getting lost in your music, reading a book, watching a candle or fire burn, or getting lost in a flowing river. 

For me, it’s hugging a tree, listening to the Peepers at night, it’s also people watching and seeing how others interact with Emotions and circumstances. You soon see what others don’t see in themselves and begin to see your own patterns so that you can create a better version of yourself. 

The Shadow work comes into play, but that is for another time.

Love you all talk to ya soon!